It has been a while. It has been a while because of lack of energy and lack of time when I have sufficient energy. I have had so many blog post ideas lately but absolutely no energy to sit down and write them. This is not down to anything else but my Severe Asthma and the ongoing battle to keep living a ‘normal’ life with it. That – and the ongoing battle with my local health care but that is another story! It is sad as I have to prioritize silly things like taking off my makeup or making dinner over doing something that I enjoy doing. I am sure many of you who have a chronic condition will empathize with this statement. Before I write all of the blog posts that I have wanted to write, I felt that it was only fair to give you all a quick and brief update about my life at the moment.
I guess that the biggest change is my career. I love my new job for so many different reasons. I love the people. It is always a lovely feeling to go into an office and genuinely look forward to seeing colleagues. Having people around you, who appreciate that sometimes life sucks, goes a very long way. I work with some absolutely awesome human beings! They get that sometimes, a walk to the coffee shop at lunch may actually feel like a marathon for me instead of a five minute walk. Stairs are something that I struggle with and no one has said anything negative about my lift use. Everyone takes an interest in how the condition affects day to day life but most importantly, I can have a laugh about the severity of the condition and people join in!
I also love my job. It is the first rung on a very tall ladder but I enjoy a challenge. Some may think that just living with Severe Asthma is a big enough challenge but it is amazing to focus and channel energy into something different – refreshing almost! The support around my condition is also second to none which, not surprisingly, has a massive impact as it means that I do not feel obligated to push my body harder when it is already being pushed to its absolute limits.
I am also privileged to know some of the best human beings in the world. Moving away from university after graduating had a massive affect on my life. I thought that I had lost the people who I had grown to love over the three years. The individuals who I shared the best and worst moments and memories through that time. It is like loosing a family and you are the one who is left behind. However, after opening up to them and sharing the weaknesses, it has given me my fight back. I have the energy to carry on going forward as a result of the wisest words shared between friends. I cannot stress enough, your support, and you know who you are, has helped me carry on and persevere.
Not only has all the above happened but as usual, I am having issues with my primary health care services. I feel like I am in an ongoing battle with my GP surgery at the moment. As the primary care service, they should support what the secondary and tertiary services are doing however they seem to be less ‘care’ more ‘hinder’ at the moment. From lying to me about Prednisolone prescriptions to stating that I could be blocked from going to the surgery with my Asthma, due to the chance I might have a serious attack. Yep – you read that right, I have to predict if an attack may happen and if it does at the GP surgery I will no longer be able to access help for my asthma from them. I feel like a pest for seeking the most appropriate help for the condition. According to them – any sign of a tight chest (which I have on a frequent basis due to, you know, Severe Asthma) should be an A&E job. I should not have to rely on the specialists for everyday health care. It is disgusting and adds to the stress and inconvenience of Severe Asthma.
It is tough to power through when everything seems to be going wrong. The funny thing is, people always say in bad times that ‘at least you have your health‘ which does not fit when every breath you take is a breath that you have worked hard for. Life has its plans for you and only life knows why the bad things happen. It is a dark chapter at the moment and I would be a fool to pretend that I was 100% okay. However, the smallest of achievements can turn into the brightest ray of sunshine. I may not be in the best situation right now but at least I am me again and at least I know that I am not alone.